Dungeon Master Critique: Dissecting Justin’s September One-Shot Part 2

welcome back to how to be a better d m i'm your host justin lewis

here with other host tanner wayland i always i always get confused when

yeah

i say co hosts or whatever don't like the word co

uh

with host tanner wayland

hello

go

i'm

ahead tanner

other host tanner

uh

wayland pleasure to be here

yes please forgive my awkwardness i just came back from

m

thanksgiving break and we here how to be a better dim hope you had an

excellent thanksgiving as for those of you who are new to the show this is

the show designed to help you craft better stories for yourselves and your players as

u d m sessions of d and d as you can tell i'm slightly a

little rusty cause we did just come back from thanksgiving one quick announcement before we

get to the show is just a big thank you for all of you listening

to the show over the weekend i was able to do the one shot and

i guess it was november's one shot and time and time again it amazes me

that we're able to pull random strangers together for four hours they don't end up

hating each other instead

yeah

they actually laugh and they seem to become genuine friends after four hours and they've

never met each other before they don't know each other and it's just amazing so

a big thank you um and we want to keep doing this we want to

make it better so if you get a moment go to better dungeon master dot

com slash feedback and answer a few questions on what we can more to help

you be a better d m h and obviously we're going to have some more

announcements at the end of today's show but again today we are dissecting the one

shot from septem ber and we're going to hopefully start off where we left off

but if we don't bear with us and uh the audio levels might be a

little monkey but again just try and bear with us and ten or anything i

say before we get started

no just just excited to review this one shot

excellent excellent well here we go i'm going to share you can also check this

out if you're not watching it live on youtube you can go to our youtube

channel and watch it live otherwise if you're listening to this on podcast will try

and explain anything that's visual but hopefully you don't miss anything so actually i don't

think i shared my audio it's very important click the share system audio otherwise no

one can hear it so here's

good

take two okay do you hear that tenor

yes i do

perfect perfect

oh

m

i think we were forward a little bit

just

okay

love it

yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah m

oh

oh

a

a i know this is probably like being a little picky but to me if

the group travelled into the city and it's morning early enough that they haven't had

breakfast like that's that they must have gotten up in the middle of the night

like

true true

that like i wanted them to be able to be in teresa's house to get

the quest download in a sense um i haven't

yeah

quite figured out how to make it you know

m well i do think that you ruined the game for them because they probably

were thinking about that the whole time they were like

uh

oh my goodness why would we break camp without breakfast

h or second breakfast right

or second brat what are we doing

uh

um no i think that

yeah

is a small thing but uh but you know also maybe saves you

yeah

some you know or at least it would add some immersion

uh

you know if you do kind of have that kind of mental clock of like

oh what time is it

h

what would make

oh

sense for these players

yeah

for these characters

oh

you know but a small thing don't worry i don't think that was terrible

well thinking about it now and maybe the reason why i bring it up is

because it does kind of set the pacing for the day you know they're starting

out in the morning if they came at lunch time and they had lunch i

think that might make it a little bit more mysterious because

make

then

more sense

they would really only be able to investigate one or two houses before it gets

dark

m

and kind of adds to the mood you know what i mean

that's that's a good point i think that if you

m

because i've actually played this one shot with you too and i realized i was

like okay we all kind of assumed it happened in one day um

h

m it

m

did happen one day and i'm like you know i think that having that change

in time to darker so that a lot of the climax

h

is happening

m

like

m

later i think that would be a good mood thing and could make it more

horrifying for the scary parts you know things

yeah

like that

yeah exactly that's a good thing

oh oh oh yeah m

yeah yeah

oh

m

ah yeah

yeah

yuh so just kind of a question on your thoughts do you

yeah

think something more nefarious should have had and two make her worried or or is

that enough

i'm glad you paused because like i was having a thought about the set up

and i was like you know what i know that you were probably trying not

to give too much info because you wanted most of the information gather to happen

at the place you know where it's like more in person

h

you know more

m

active when you're talking to those three families my issue though is i do think

it was like oh they just started acting weird i do feel like there should

have been more of an inciting event for her like oh they started acting weird

and then all three of them invited me something you know to the old cave

out side of town or somethin you know

hm

and when

oh

i arrived they acted really weird and i barely got away who knows what right

it doesn't have to be exactly like that but just something that gets her hackles

on edge like more or then just oh they started acting

yeah

weird after disappearing another thing that i thought in terms of set up that would

have helped is if if they had gone somewhere specifically that you knew about now

because

because as i recall later on like the families are like oh no we just

left tad or whatever else right but

hm

i think in terms of just adding settings to the story it would be nice

if like oh they left to blank place um or they said that they left

to this one place and then they've all been acting were you know and then

you could actually like give the players options of like oh they could go to

each of the families or they could go to that place or who knows what

right i think it just needed a little bit more a hook i guess beyond

the fact that they were acting weird whether that's like hey there needs to be

more

yeah

nefarious happenings or there needs to be like some kind of additional dat hal in

terms of like where they went

m

or what specifically they were doing you know

gotcha so um what if there was a fourth family that disappeared first and has

not reappeared

m interesting interesting that could work i think either that could work or the reverse

where it's like oh another family just disappeared but this family told me that they

were going blank you know or something right just something about some remaining mystery i

guess and like a still missing family is a great idea right i would also

add to to that her being like oh i also had another person who thought

was weird and he said that he was going to go find it out and

i haven't heard from him you know

ah

uh kind

m

of adding peril

m

the whole situation right

yeah yeah uh this is getting my mind thinking because so like what if there

was a second constable essentially well so the hard line that i'm finding is it

has to be like like concerning enough that teresa is like oh my gosh help

but

yeah

like innocuous enough that most people in the town don't think anything of it you

know

yeah like and i think i mean we're going to hear and you've explained a

little bits like oh she has had interactions with these families so it's like oh

she might be one of the only people noticing but

m m

but yeah i think there just needs to be um and maybe you could just

explain away by like hey this is a small

yeah

town not everybody interact i happen to know these people though you know

yeah okay what about this

oh

secret

ah

detail that teresa like lets out and she explains that she's kind of like terrified

to admit it but the set and family

m

she actually saw them like leaving the city or returning maybe returning might be better

a

like

journey would

returning

be better now

to the city in the like dark of night coming from a specific direction m

yeah that's smart actually i think just just additional details because currently she's doing a

lot

m

of like oh i'm just worried can you go find it out and then i

think the issue

yeah

that you're going to run into here is that players are going to be like

oh we didn't at much in fow from them

right

from her let's ask a lot of questions and then they're going to come away

like oh those questions didn't really help much because she doesn't know much you know

that's

um

right okay

and so either give her more to know or i have heard me like i

really don't know anything but the reason why

yeah

i got all scared is because of this big thing someone disappeared or whatever you

know

yeah

and and so you were the only ones i could turn to can you go

check it out you know so that they spend less time

yeah

at her place asking questions that probably won't have any answers you know

yeah i mean it wastes less time that's a really good point either make her

like a valuable resource or or shorten the interaction

yeah that's a great way to put it

excellent anything else on this

no

section

that's awesome

cool yeah

yeah oh

ye

yeah

oh

yeah yeah

m

yeah

m

m oh

yeah

m

yah yeah

yeah yeah i don't think quabble is a real word by the way

squabble is what you're thinking

yeah yeah yeah oh oh yeah

yeah oh

m yeah

justin

okay

go ahead

here's something good that i see that you're doing so we were talking about like

oh it'd be nice if you had like initially like served up some questions here

yours seeing how it's like hey even if you don't your it seems like you've

done enough preparation to wear like when he was like oh what are they doing

weird like i think was a pretty good you know little speech or monologue about

like oh something about

ah

being alive the fidget things like that they weren't doing that and also the emotions

and things like that i think the only way you can make it better well

not the only way but one of the ways you can make it better is

like a specific interaction be like so i went up to deliver to get milk

from them and when they came they handed me you know like some milk and

just immediately closed the door so you know who knows what it just something specific

yeah

kind of like an anecdote i think that would add to it but otherwise i

think that you did a very good job of being like hey here's some specific

ways that it's kind of weird right

yeah

yeah

i think that's excellent thing to point out that's the classic thing of show don't

tell you

yeah

know like oh how how have they been acting weird well the other day when

i walked up and i said hello their child uh he looked at me didn't

smile and then walked away you know super weird for a child or something you

know and

yeah

it just it's seamless

yeah i think that's totally true like in my mind uh finding out how to

be very descriptive and not only your settings but also describing

oh

the actions of others that's

yeah

huge um for like flashing a character out and also adding depth conversation

for sure for sure yeah yeah

oh ah

my sorry did you say something

no no i just love it

okay sorry yeah i got to be honest like having these one shots is super

fun for me because you see people you know just just be these really funny

characters and you know this group was really good particularly so t was awesome

yeah

yeah yeah yeah

oh

another way that making it go into night time would have been great

say that again

that's just another way that making it go into the night time would have been

good is like oh no one

hm

really sees them at night the kind of stay indoors but ah you know and

then if they went at night

yeah

you would see like

oh

acting very

yeah

weird you know

yeah i also think i don't know why but that particular moment it made me

think that i could have done a better job in picking the pattern of the

families

yeah

that got

visited

that disappeared you know yeah

oh

yeah like figuring out like why was it the pealoffs the rokerofts and the utragards

like what connects them i think you know if i had come up with some

sort of pattern that might have been

oh

a little bit more intriguing and helpful to

yeah

the players

yeah something like oh each of these families are blank you know keep to themselves

yeah yeah

or recently moved in in the past year or some or something right

yeah or visited like you said visited a specific cave in the wilderness

yeah

or at some stuff from this

yeah

one merchant i don't know

or had an argument with the mayor or something right whatever

yeah

it is

yeah yeah that would be even better so

yeah

yeah

oh yeah

oh oh

oh yeah

m

yeah yeah

amazing

yeah yeah yeah

oh yeah

m

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

oh

oh oh oh oh

oh

yeah

so here's an idea

yeah

um as we were saying so the second family she notices a cloaked figure visiting

them like entering their house the night before they disappeared

m

and the cloaked figure was short and it could either like the idea is to

kind of plant the seed that it could either be the mayor or it could

be constable brogan

yeah

um and then whichever one the play guess it's the opposite you know

oh that's fun that's fun

what do you think

yeah i like that where it's like hey you're planning a seed but it's not

so obvious

m

that it's only one person right

m m

yeah

is that maybe too complicated

h

m

m yeah you know i think that you could pull it off

m

well i would just my concern and my worry would be hey if you

yeah

overburden them with leads

m

and like threads to pull

m

especially

m

during one shot you know

oh

then that's i've seen it

yeah

in campaigns where if you give them too many threads to pull they just kind

of

ah

they lose track of what they

yeah

i need to follow up on

oh

and they don't follow up on the most

oh

punchy one to begin with right

yeah yeah

for for me i would wait if you're going to drop like a tip like

that like there was a short figure or something have

yeah

weight on that i would wait until you had visited like a family or two

and maybe if the players haven't found anything else then it's like oh

h m

let's let's drop a bread crumb for for them you

gotcha

know

yeah

um m a couple of things i noticed one i thought the how with the

natural one i thought that was very well done like

yeah

oh you're doing then you

yeah

you smell you know snmirels i did think it as funny that you're like oh

pulled it out of the oven and i was like did they use for ovens

back in the day um

yeah

i was just sitting there like

yeah

for a second was like i guess they did have some types of ovens where

it's like oh the fire is underneath

yeah

and then like an close space almost like a pet oven that's like heated from

underneath um

yeah

there's kind of things like that but but i love that

oh

that kind of tack

ah

i also know that this is a pretty smart group like they're asking good questions

hm

m which is nice you know finally what was that last thing when they were

asking about different stuff oh man i had i had a thought

i guess my thought well one thought that i had right now is i think

that it's gotten pretty well in terms of people interacting like i feel like each

of your players has said something during the conversation which is

hm

big right there's obviously some people who

yeah

talk a little bit more than others i would just you know it's not always

easy to uh to include people who are kind of on the quieter side in

the same conversation

right

but in future converlike when they go to investigate the families i think that's a

great way place to remedy it kind of like hey if the current encounter is

revolving around certain players make the next encounter kind of have the family talk specifically

to the players who weren't kind of in the forefront in the last one right

yeah it's actually kind of funny you mentioned that because i know here we see

yes

you know myself and then four players there's actually a fifth player who doesn't have

a screen showing

oh

um

that's right i forgot

he turned it off yeah and it's funny because he towards the beginning he was

very quiet they go to the first house and he splits off essentially because he's

a halfling and

nice

he pretends to be a little boy

oh nice

ah and so he splits yeah he splits off with the farmer's little boy and

has this entire scene with just him and this little boy and it's kind of

nice beas that you know it allows him to roll play you know as completely

by himself you know kind of have this entire scene to himself and then later

on it's much more collaborative betwee whole team which which is really cool but yeah

definitely good point that i could have i could have brought out you know his

conversation in this in this beginning point but luckily he himself remedied that later on

by saying hey i like pretend to be a little boy and you know so

yeah that's that's great

um

honestly

good

yeah no that's it

sorry i think there's a little bit of lag but i think that's all the

time we have today so thank you guys for listening to today show a couple

of finishing announcements first of all if you want to hang with me and tanner

in january you can if you're in the utah area utah county specifically we're actually

going to be at an event called d n d which is dungeons net working

and dragons it's actually a business networking event that is designed to help businesses grow

in and make connections through playing d and d we're both going to be dungeon

masters there and if you want if you're interested you have a business

m

or you're trying to start a

m

business and you want to make connections in this way you can go to d

and d merchant skilled dot com and go to the events page buy yourself a

ticket there that's what well that's where we'll be gosh and then obviously if you

want to sign up for the next one shot in december that's better dungeon master

dot com slash one dan shot and then we are actually ambassadors for this awesome

company out of porto rico that makes dice they reached out to us and i

got to know them a little bit you know it's a small business she actually

just makes the dice i asked her yu know how do you get started and

she's like well i've always loved dice and then i found

yeah

dan d and you know i kind of married my two hobbies together and

perfect

i was i was interested that she liked die before d and d but usually

it's he other way around anyways or stuff is awesome you can go to better

dungeon master dot com slash dice legion and get a ten per cent discount ah

and if you if you just go to dic legion dot com you can also

put in the discount code better d m and that should also give you the

ten per cent anything else you want to add tanner

uh no honestly for any of you

oh

who are listening to us kind of review

oh

these sessions uh i hope that you realize

yeah

that

yeah

when we're reviewing a one shot we hope to do this a lot more even

with guest hosts m and even we're thinking about potentially having you you players that

we've played with in the past host some some one shots we intend to continue

doing these kind of reviews and it's not to you know put anyone down but

we genuinely think that you can learn a lot by analyzing and learning from past

games and so yeah

yeah

i love doing this

yeah ditto to that and i guess the only thing we can say is happy

holidays in case we don't see you a good afternoon in a good night that's

a little quote there from the truman show but

uh

in all seriousness

h

thank you guys for listening we'll be back next week for another amazing show and

until then let's go ahead and roll initiative a