Welcome dungeon masters to How to Be a Better DM, the official podcast of Monsters.Rent. Today, I’m your host, Justin Lewis and together let’s discover how to make every session the best session of Dungeons and Dragons with you as the dungeon master.
Today, like so many other episodes, I’ll be discussing some tips for how to deal with a particular problem that faces many dungeon masters.
Unlike other episodes though, today I offer my point of view with the full knowledge that I myself am new at facing this particular challenge, and I hesitate to say anything because I don’t want to offend, or give the impression that I even know half of what I am doing. Today, we are going to talk about how to be a dungeon master and play D&D regularly when you have kids.
Big topic, I know.
As some of you might know, my child was born back in August of 2023 and him coming into my life has really shaken things up for me, as parenthood has for many people. I firmly believe that parenthood changes a lot of for you, but it doesn’t have to delete your hobbies and passions, and in fact, one of the great challenges of parenthood is finding ways to continue doing all the things you love with the addition of your family. I think that is a great example to set for your kids and it leads to a lot less resentment later in life. Obviously, I’m not saying to forget about your kids and your family. There is a fine line to walk and sometimes you do have to pass up a particular session because your family needs you. But hopefully, with these tips, that won’t happen as often.
Disclaimer
Before I get started into these tips, I need to give a brief disclaimer.
You absolutely need to know and understand that I am in no way a parenting expert. I do not give any of this as direct parenting advice. Instead these are ideas that you can try out. I’ve only been a parent for a little more than a month now and am not the guru of parenting that I wish I was. So take my advice at your own peril…
That said, these ideas aren’t that extreme. With some tweaking and changing, you should be able to make it work for your unique situation.
So with that, let’s get into it.
Get the Buy In of Your Significant Other
The first thing you need to do is get the buy in of your significant other. This is crucial because as we all know, communication is key in any relationship. It’s also important for you and your partner to both communicate your wants and wishes. You want something, in this case you probably want to play D&D. Your partner wants something too. The only way to know what they want and to let your partner to know what you want is to start communication.
This works the same way with partners where one partner is playing D&D or partners where both partners play in the same D&D group.
If the partners are in the same D&D group, then the buy-in you each need to give and get is for a commitment from each of you to do whatever it takes to make the games happen and make them fun for each partner. This means that each of you will need to be willing to adapt and try new things that might feel weird or look strange.
If only one partner is playing in a D&D group, then the buy-in changes a little bit. You both need to give your buy-in but in this case, the terms change. In the case of the non-player partner of the relationship, the buy-in needs to be such that they are willing to watch the child/children while you play D&D. They need to understand how long the games will be and the cadence of the games. They must not be surprised at the length or frequency of the games.
On the player side the terms are a little different. You will likely need to show a willingness to make it so the non-player partner can have a similar opportunity to hang out with friends. Be willing to watch the child while they go out every once in a while. Or just be willing to be a little more present with the child while you are at home. Honestly, it’s very possible that you don’t even need to give anything for your partner to be ok with you going to play D&D every week. But, make sure their wants and wishes are heard otherwise, you’ll be headed for disaster.
Get Table Buy In
Even after you and your partner come to an agreement, you’re not done getting buy-in. Now, you’ve got to get your table’s buy-in. Because this podcast is for dungeon masters specifically, I’ll talk from that viewpoint, but that doesn’t mean that this advice doesn’t apply to everyone at the table.
First, you need to help the adjust their expectations of you. You have a child, a family. That takes precedence. That means that sometimes, you won’t have as much time to prepare the sessions, or sometimes your D&D sessions will need to be cut a little short. It might even mean that you’ll have to DM with a baby on the hip. Your situation will look different and unique and your players need to understand and be given the chance to decide whether that’s something they want to deal with. It’s your child, not theirs. It wouldn’t hurt in this instance to also explain your commitment to the table as well. They would probably like to know that you care about the game and want it to be a success.
Just as long as everyone at the table is fully aware (for the most part) of the experience they will have while playing, and they are all ok with it, including you, then you have set your table up for success.
Enlist the Help of Relatives or Friends
The next thing you can do is start compiling a list of people that you 100% trust that would be willing to watch your child while you play D&D. Often relatives are a good place to start. If there are Grandparents in the mix, then that is an excellent place to start, but brothers, sisters, cousins, and neighborhood babysitters work too. The type of babysitter will change depending on how many kids you have and what ages. Also, if you can find a relative or someone who is willing to watch your child for free, that is ideal. Paying for a babysitter every week can start to add up. You might also consider doing some sort of a babysitting trade, finding someone who needs it on days or nights when you are not playing.
Adapt
The last general tip that I can give is that you need to be just as creative at finding a solution as you are when you play D&D. Life can be complicated and messy and when you can think outside the box to find uncommon solutions, things work all the better.
Now, let’s talk about some more specific methods that might be just what you need to make playing D&D with a child or children at home that much more possible.
D&D While Your Child is Sleeping
The first method you might give a try is to play D&D when the kid/s go to bed. Most kids have an earlier bedtime so playing afterhours might be the solution you’ve been looking for. If your group has content that belongs after-hours anyways, then this might be a match made in heaven.
If you do want to give this method a try, there are a few things that you should think about.
How loud is my group?
If your group happens to play loud and proud then you might consider trying a different method. Or you might think about soundproofing the room you play in. At the end of the day (pun intended) the last thing you want is for your child to not be able to sleep and to start crying or screaming or just having a bad time.
Will we be playing at my house?
If your group doesn’t play at your house, then having your child sleep may be somewhat strange depending on the circumstances. For example, if your group normally plays at the local game store, then having a child sleep while you play probably won’t work without a babysitter. On the other hand, if your group plays at a friend’s house and that friend is ok with you bringing a pack-n-play or a bassinet and setting it up in another room where the child can get some nice sleep, then that totally works.
Will the child sleep in the same room that we will play D&D in?
If you have a small infant like I do, then having them sleep in a different room would probably be a very unpleasant thought, at least in the newborn phase of your child’s growth. For me, I would need to have the baby in the same room in a bassinet or something. If the child is older, then having them in another room would likely be the ideal situation so that the child can get a good night’s sleep.
Will the child need monitoring?
If the child is young enough, monitoring might need to be set up to keep track of the child and to make sure that they do not fall victim to any danger that could harm them. If they are in the same room, then no worries. If they are in a different room, then you may want to bring all of your technological prowess to bear. Maybe the simplest and cheapest method of monitoring a child would be to set up a video call between two phones and position one to always be able to see the child.
More expensive options include things like an Owlet camera or a simple baby monitor and more.
D&D With Baby In Arms
If you have an infant like myself, then another option opens up and that is to play D&D with the child in your arms. Obviously, this option is only available if your table is open to it, knowing that there is a major possibility that at random intervals, the person holding the baby will have to tap out of the game for a moment to take care of baby, and also there is the obvious risk of a crying baby mid-game.
That said, if your baby is young enough then having them sit in your arms (or something like it) can be a great thing. For example, even as I wrote this episode, I had my son in a baby carrier strapped to my chest. I sat at my kitchen table writing while gently swaying back and forth to keep him calm and entertained. Whatever you have to do works.
When pursuing this method, it may help to have various tools at your disposal. For exampl the baby carrier that I already mentioned or some handy swaddles to keep the baby wrapped up nice and snug.
Having some clean binkies or toys might be what you need to do. If you are breastfeeding your baby, having one of those breastfeeding shawls or covers so you can feed while at the table would be helpful.
In this case, I would say having your character sheet on some sort of computer or ipad would be preferable to having it on paper because an electronic device is a lot harder to get mixed up when you have a squirming baby in your arms.
Of course, at the end of the day, what works for you is what works.
Get a Babysitter
Honestly, when it comes to getting a babysitter, I’ve said so much already that how can I possibly say more? Watch me!
When it comes to finding a local babysitter you can try a few different things. First, I would ask family and friends, in that order. Family is usually more willing to help but friends can be just as awesome too. Whoever it is, make sure you trust them completely and that you leave crystal clear instructions on how to care for your child and what to do in an emergency.
After that, you might try your neighbor kids if they are in that perfect babysitting age. 12-16 is generally a good range. Personally I would opt for a girl babysitter just because they would generally be more patient, kind and understanding of my child’s needs than a teenage boy would be but you do you.
If you still can’t find a babysitter, you can ask at your local church if you attend to see if someone there might be able to help.
After that, start asking people you know if they know someone. Always vet the baby sitter to hearts content when getting referrals because sometimes things aren’t as they appear.
Finally, you can hire a professional baby sitter from professional service, though that will likely cost you much more.
Involve Your Child
Now, if you are unlike myself and your kid/s are old enough to start to understand some of the game, then you might consider involving them a little in the game.
Again, though it doesn’t need to be said, I’ll say it anyways, you can only do this if your D&D group is ok with it.
You also need to realize that if your other players in the group have kids too they might want to involve their kids and the whole thing can spiral out of control real fast so be wise.
But if your child is 5 – 10 you might have them sit at the table and play the game with you. If your DM is ok with it, the Child could become sort of an NPC, like a child in the game or some sort of familiar. You can ask them what to do and how to act in certain situations.
If you play a paladin, cleric or a warlock, you might have your child play the part of your Diety or patron respectively, giving you guidance in moments of need. This will likely lead to some laughs along the way and you and your kid will bond over a very fun hobby, D&D.
If the child is younger, you might have them sit on your lap and roll the d20 anytime you need one rolled. They can be around you and the game and start to enjoy rolling the dice, seeing the outcome and hearing everyone at the table cry is dismay or triumph.
This all only works if your child cooperates obviously, so don’t press the point if kiddo isn’t impressed.
Play Shorter Sessions
One of the simplest tactics to take if you have to balance being a parent and a Dungeon Master is to play shorter sessions. I know that we are all thinking that this is probably the least desirable method, but you have to admit that it is effective. Ask your players if they would be willing to play shorter sessions. Most will agree just to be able to keep playing.
Doing shorter sessions is a good method to try for a couple reasons. For one, you don’t always have to play shorter sessions. Sometimes, you’ll get a good 4 hour game in and other times, you may have to cap it at one hour.
Secondly, having shorter sessions means that you have to prepare less. You don’t have to come to the table with 4 hours prepared if you are planning on only playing for 2.
Even though it might be a really great idea to do shorter sessions, you still need to keep some things in mind.
With shorter sessions, you will need your table to understand that they really need to pay attention and be courteous when the spotlight is on someone else. It often happens that one character is doing something while everyone else waits. In those moments, everyone needs to be adults and wait patiently for their turn. Doing so will allow a reciprocal exchange of respect for everyone at the table and it will make it so each person can do their thing uninterrupted, and therefore faster, making it easier to get to everyone.
I find this consideration to be one that people seem to miss a little. Even though we are playing a make believe game, we can still act like adults, so let your player’s know.
Play Online
If you can’t find a babysitter, then consider playing online. I know for some people it’s a bit of a leap, but drastic circumstances call for drastic measures. Being able to play online would allow you to take breaks every so often to do the necessary things with your kid. If you have a wireless headset and are a master at multi tasking, you might even consider doing both at the same time, though I wouldn’t recommend it. Dividing yourself between two things means that two things get only fractions of your whole self. You don’t want to do that to your kid or your D&D group.
That said, it is a lot easier to keep an eye on your kid as they play with toys in the same room that you are DMing in. You might need to ask for some patience from your group because you’ll likely need to give direction to your kid every once in a while, but it might just be the fit that you need to make sure you keep playing.
Become a Scheduling Wizard
Finally, the last tip that I would suggest is to make sure you become really good at maintaining a schedule. This is for a few reasons. As a parent, any time you get to yourself is precious, just as any time you have with your little one is precious. You want to make the most of both. Being able to alot the right amount of time for the things that are important to you will make sure that they don’t fall by the wayside.
You’ll also be able to fulfill any promises you made to your significant other about watching the kid so they can go do something fun too. Time is our most precious resource because it really is the only thing we have. Being able to spend the right amounts of time doing the things that matter will make all the difference.
Now, there is a big chance that a lot of you don’t have kids. That’s ok. You’ll likely play with someone who does and these tips will allow you to help them and be in their corner. It should also give you a little more sympathy for parents trying to play D&D and parent at the same time.
At the end of the day, I hope these tips have given you some good ideas and hopefully sparked some creative ideas that I didn’t even think of. D&D is fun and so is being a parent and by golly, I truly believe that we can do both.
Thanks for joining me on today’s episode. We’ll be back next week with another amazing episode. Until then, let’s roll initiative.
[Justin]: Welcome Dungeon Masters to How to be a Better DM, the official podcast of Monsters.Rent.
Speaker:[Justin]: Today, I'm your host, Justin Lewis, and together let's discover.
Speaker:[Justin]: how to make every session the best session of Dungeons and Dragons with you as
Speaker:[Justin]: the Dungeon Master. Today, like so many other episodes, I'll be discussing some
Speaker:[Justin]: tips for how to deal with a particular problem that faces many Dungeon Masters. Unlike
Speaker:[Justin]: other episodes though, today I offer my point of view with the full knowledge that
Speaker:[Justin]: I myself am new at facing this particular challenge. And with that in mind, I hesitate
Speaker:[Justin]: to say anything at all because I don't want to offend anyone or give them the impression
Speaker:[Justin]: that I even know half of what I am doing. Today we are going to talk about how
Speaker:[Justin]: to be a dungeon master and play D&D regularly when you have kids. Big topic, I
Speaker:[Justin]: know. But we're going to try anyways. As some of you might know, my child was born
Speaker:[Justin]: back in August of:Speaker:[Justin]: me. Parenthood has for many people across, you know, the thousands and thousands
Speaker:[Justin]: of years that the earth has existed. I firmly believe that.
Speaker:[Justin]: Parenthood changes a lot for you, but it doesn't have to delete your hobbies
Speaker:[Justin]: and passions. And in fact, one of the great challenges of parenthood is finding
Speaker:[Justin]: ways to continue doing all the things that you love with the addition of your family.
Speaker:[Justin]: And I think that's actually a great example to set for your kids. And it leads
Speaker:[Justin]: to a lot less resentment towards them in life. And it leads to a lot less resentment
Speaker:[Justin]: towards them later in life, but it also leads them to pursue passions and hobbies,
Speaker:[Justin]: and learn how to balance things as well. Obviously, I'm not saying that you should
Speaker:[Justin]: forget about your kids and your family. In fact, there's a fine line to walk, and sometimes
Speaker:[Justin]: you do have to pass up a particular session because your family needs you. But
Speaker:[Justin]: hopefully, with these tips, that won't happen as often. And before I get started into
Speaker:[Justin]: the tips, I need to give you a brief disclaimer. You absolutely need to know and
Speaker:[Justin]: understand that in no way, shape, or form am I a parenting expert. I have less
Speaker:[Justin]: than one month experience as of recording this episode, and I do not give any of this
Speaker:[Justin]: as direct parenting advice. Instead, these are ideas that you can try out. And like
Speaker:[Justin]: I said, I've only been a parent for a little more than a month now, and I'm not
Speaker:[Justin]: really the guru of parenting that I wish I was. So take my advice at your own
Speaker:[Justin]: peril. But with that said, These ideas aren't that extreme. You know, with some tweaking
Speaker:[Justin]: and changing, you should be able to make it work for your unique situation. So,
Speaker:[Justin]: let's get into it. First step, first tip, is get the buy-in of your significant
Speaker:[Justin]: other. The first thing you need to do is get the buy-in from your loved one, right,
Speaker:[Justin]: your co-parent. This is crucial because as we all know, communication is key in any
Speaker:[Justin]: relationship. and it's also important for you and your partner to both communicate
Speaker:[Justin]: your wants and wishes. You want something, in this case, you probably want to play D&D.
Speaker:[Justin]: Your partner wants something too, and the only way to know what they want and
Speaker:[Justin]: let your partner...
Speaker:[Justin]: know what you want is to communicate. This works the same with partners, where one
Speaker:[Justin]: partner is playing D&D, or partners where both partners play D&D in the same D&D
Speaker:[Justin]: group, right? If the partners are in the same D&D group, then the buy-in you
Speaker:[Justin]: need each from, then the buy-in you each need to give and get is for a commitment
Speaker:[Justin]: from each of you to do whatever it takes to make the games happen and make them
Speaker:[Justin]: fun for both partners. This means that each of you need to be willing to adapt
Speaker:[Justin]: and try new things that will probably feel weird at first or look strange. If only
Speaker:[Justin]: one partner is playing in a D&D group, then the buy-in changes a little bit. You both
Speaker:[Justin]: need to give your buy-in, but in this case, the terms of the agreement sort of change.
Speaker:[Justin]: In the case of the non-player partner in the relationship, the buy-in needs to be
Speaker:[Justin]: such that they are willing to watch or care for the child slash children. while
Speaker:[Justin]: you play D&D. That's obvious, right? They need to understand how long the games
Speaker:[Justin]: will be and the cadence of the games. They absolutely must not be surprised at how
Speaker:[Justin]: often the games happen or how long the games go. If that's the case, that will
Speaker:[Justin]: be disaster. That will spell disaster for your D&D career, right?
Speaker:[Justin]: Now on the player side of this agreement, the terms are also a little bit different.
Speaker:[Justin]: You will probably need to show some sort of willingness to make it so that the
Speaker:[Justin]: non-player partner can have some sort of similar opportunity to hang out with friends
Speaker:[Justin]: and kind of relax and do something fun that they like to do. You know, it's a
Speaker:[Justin]: give and take. If they watch the child while you play D&D, then you will probably
Speaker:[Justin]: need to watch the child while they go out every once in a while. You know, hopefully
Speaker:[Justin]: at a cadence that's similar to D&D. Or maybe you just need to be more willing to
Speaker:[Justin]: be more present with the child when you are at home. You go and play D&D, but when
Speaker:[Justin]: you come back, they want you to be back. They want you to be there and be present
Speaker:[Justin]: with the child, and with them, honestly. It's very possible that you may not need to
Speaker:[Justin]: give anything for your partner to be okay with you going to play D&D every week
Speaker:[Justin]: or every other week or however you do it, but you definitely need to make sure
Speaker:[Justin]: that they express their wants and wishes and you hear them. Again, otherwise
Speaker:[Justin]: you're headed for disaster. So in this situation, you need to express your wants
Speaker:[Justin]: and wishes. I wanna play D&D and this is kind of what to expect. And then you sit
Speaker:[Justin]: back and listen what they want. And you come to agreement and you both create the
Speaker:[Justin]: life you want to live, right? That's kind of the idea here. Even after.
Speaker:[Justin]: So now, with your partner bought in, they're all for the idea of you playing D&D.
Speaker:[Justin]: Now, the second step is you have to get your table to buy in. So, even after you
Speaker:[Justin]: come to an agreement with your partner, you know, your table can still disagree with
Speaker:[Justin]: you playing, essentially, because...
Speaker:[Justin]: Your table, I don't like that. After you get your partner buy-in, the second thing
Speaker:[Justin]: you need to do is get your table to buy-in. And because this podcast is for Dungeon
Speaker:[Justin]: Master specifically, I'm gonna talk about that viewpoint, but that doesn't mean
Speaker:[Justin]: that this advice doesn't apply to everyone at the table. So first, you need to
Speaker:[Justin]: talk to everyone at the table and help them adjust their expectations from you.
Speaker:[Justin]: You have a child, a family. If this is a newborn, like my case, then you need to
Speaker:[Justin]: tell them that things are probably gonna change. If you're starting up a new group,
Speaker:[Justin]: you need to tell them, I have a family, that takes precedence. That means that sometimes
Speaker:[Justin]: I won't have as much time to prepare the D&D sessions, or sometimes my D&D sessions
Speaker:[Justin]: will need to be cut a little short. Honestly, it might even mean that I might have
Speaker:[Justin]: to DM with a baby in my hands, or kids running around. You know? however it looks
Speaker:[Justin]: for you and your situation will look different and unique and you need to tell your
Speaker:[Justin]: players or your Cotable mates what that's gonna look like and help them understand
Speaker:[Justin]: and also give them the chance To decide whether that's something that they actually
Speaker:[Justin]: want to deal with because it's your child. It's not theirs You know and they don't
Speaker:[Justin]: have to deal with it and that's okay, right? They can decide I don't want to play
Speaker:[Justin]: at this table because I'm not really into that sort of situation where we might
Speaker:[Justin]: have to cancel sessions because you have to deal with your family, right? But it
Speaker:[Justin]: also, in this instance, it doesn't hurt for you to explain to them that you're
Speaker:[Justin]: committed to the table as well, right? They should also understand that you're going
Speaker:[Justin]: to try and make it so things happen so everyone wins. Everyone's happy, right?
Speaker:[Justin]: You care about the game and you absolutely want it to be a success. But they do have to
Speaker:[Justin]: know both sides. And just as long as everyone at the table is fully aware, at
Speaker:[Justin]: least as much as you can of the experience that they are going to have while playing and
Speaker:[Justin]: they are all okay with it, including yourself, then you have set your table up for
Speaker:[Justin]: success. And in most cases, I would say like 99.99% of the time, you will not have
Speaker:[Justin]: anyone say, yeah, I don't want you to DM with a baby on your hip, right? Sorry,
Speaker:[Justin]: reverse that. Most cases, people will be completely fine with it, right? Because
Speaker:[Justin]: people are naturally good and they understand that they like people, right? You're
Speaker:[Justin]: probably playing with your friends. But on those rare occasions, you do have to
Speaker:[Justin]: respect if someone declines and withdraws themselves. The next tip is to enlist the help
Speaker:[Justin]: of relatives or friends. And this is because what you wanna do is you wanna start
Speaker:[Justin]: compiling a list of people that you 100% trust that might be willing to watch your
Speaker:[Justin]: child while you play D&D. And often relatives are a good place to start. If there
Speaker:[Justin]: are grandparents in the mix that are good grandparents, then that is probably the
Speaker:[Justin]: best place to start because they love spoiling your kids and they love hanging out
Speaker:[Justin]: with your kids and then sending them home to wreak havoc in your house. But brothers,
Speaker:[Justin]: sisters, cousins, and even maybe neighborhood babysitters work just as well. The type of
Speaker:[Justin]: babysitter will probably change depending on how many kids you have and what ages and
Speaker:[Justin]: so forth. And also, if you can find a relative that is willing to watch your child
Speaker:[Justin]: for free, you That's honestly the best situation because D&D happens periodically.
Speaker:[Justin]: You know, my party meets once a week. So paying for a babysitter every week can definitely
Speaker:[Justin]: start to add up, you know. And this might even be a situation where you could do
Speaker:[Justin]: some sort of babysitting trade. So find someone who needs babysitting themselves
Speaker:[Justin]: on days or nights when you're not playing D&D and you sort of trade back and
Speaker:[Justin]: forth, right? That would be a good situation.
Speaker:[Justin]: The next tip is just kind of a general tip that I'd like to give and it's that you
Speaker:[Justin]: need to adapt, right? You need to be creative and in fact, just as creative at
Speaker:[Justin]: finding a solution to play D&D as you are when you're actually playing D&D and
Speaker:[Justin]: you're thinking about those hair-brained schemes, right? Life gets complicated and messy
Speaker:[Justin]: and when you can think outside the box to find those uncommon solutions, things
Speaker:[Justin]: seem, they just seem to work better, right? They turn out better. So now let's talk
Speaker:[Justin]: about some more specific methods that might be just what you need to make playing
Speaker:[Justin]: D&D with a child or children at home that much more possible. So before we were
Speaker:[Justin]: kinda talking about some general things of what to do, but this is really talking about
Speaker:[Justin]: your kids are still in the house, you are dungeon mastering, and what do you
Speaker:[Justin]: do, right? So the first one is play D&D while you're sleeping. So the idea here
Speaker:[Justin]: is you simply go. play D&D if your kids go to sleep or after they go to bed. Most
Speaker:[Justin]: kids have an earlier bedtime than adults, so playing after hours might be the
Speaker:[Justin]: best solution. But if your group has content that belong, no. And if your group
Speaker:[Justin]: has content that belongs after hours, anyways, then this is probably a match made
Speaker:[Justin]: in heaven, right? If you do give this method a try, there are a few things that you
Speaker:[Justin]: should think about. For example, how loud is my group? If your group happens to
Speaker:[Justin]: play loud and proud, right, then you might consider trying a different method. Or
Speaker:[Justin]: you might think about soundproofing the room you play in. At the end of the day,
Speaker:[Justin]: pun intended, the last thing you want is for your child to wake up screaming or crying
Speaker:[Justin]: and just have a bad time because they can't sleep, right? The second question is
Speaker:[Justin]: you need to ask, will we be playing at my house? If your group doesn't play at
Speaker:[Justin]: your house, then having your child sleep maybe... a little strange depending on
Speaker:[Justin]: the circumstances. For example, if your group normally plays at the local game
Speaker:[Justin]: store, then having a child sleep while you play probably won't work without a babysitter.
Speaker:[Justin]: On the other hand, if your group does play at a friend's house and that friend is
Speaker:[Justin]: okay with you bringing a pack and play or a bassinet or sitting up some sort
Speaker:[Justin]: of bed in another room, then your kid might be able to get some nice sleep and
Speaker:[Justin]: then you can have a fun game. The next question is, will the child sleep in the
Speaker:[Justin]: same room that we play D&D in? If you have a small infant like I do, then having
Speaker:[Justin]: them sleep in a different room would probably be a very unpleasant thought, at least
Speaker:[Justin]: right now, right, in the newborn phase of your child's growth. For me, I would need
Speaker:[Justin]: to have the baby in the same room in a bassinet or something, just for my peace
Speaker:[Justin]: of mind. If the child is older, then having them in another room would likely be
Speaker:[Justin]: the ideal situation so that the child can get a good night's sleep and you can kind
Speaker:[Justin]: of sort of train them to sleep on their own and you can do your own thing, right?
Speaker:[Justin]: Next, you need to ask, will the child need monitoring? If the child is young enough,
Speaker:[Justin]: monitoring might need to be set up to keep track of the child and to make sure
Speaker:[Justin]: that they do not fall victim to any sort of danger that could harm them. The worst
Speaker:[Justin]: thing that could happen is your child befalls some sort of danger or some sort of
Speaker:[Justin]: danger befalls your child while you're playing D&D and you're unaware, right? That
Speaker:[Justin]: could ruin D&D forever for you. That could put a very bad taste in your mouth, right?
Speaker:[Justin]: If they're in the same room, you don't have to worry about that. But if they're in
Speaker:[Justin]: a different room, then you might want to bring all of your technological prowess
Speaker:[Justin]: to bear. So maybe the simplest and cheapest method of monitoring a child would
Speaker:[Justin]: be to set up some sort of video call or FaceTime chat between two phones and just
Speaker:[Justin]: put one in the room facing the child and kind of tape it there or something, right?
Speaker:[Justin]: That's a pretty cheap way, although you might need to check your data for calls
Speaker:[Justin]: and things like that and see if that is something you can do. But more expensive
Speaker:[Justin]: options.
Speaker:[Justin]: include things like buying an outlet camera or simple baby monitors or more. There's
Speaker:[Justin]: all sorts of options out there. One that is probably a little cheaper but a little
Speaker:[Justin]: bit maybe more risky depending on your situation is you simply just go check
Speaker:[Justin]: on the child every once in a while. Again, not giving you specific advice on what
Speaker:[Justin]: to do but these are ideas you can try. Now, if you want to try D&D with baby
Speaker:[Justin]: in arms, right? This is specifically for the case of people who have infants, not
Speaker:[Justin]: young children. And this is actually what I do currently right now. This option
Speaker:[Justin]: is only available if your table is open to it, right? We already talked about
Speaker:[Justin]: that a little bit, but knowing that...
Speaker:[Justin]: This option is only available to you if your table is open to it. Obviously, we
Speaker:[Justin]: talked about it a little bit, but they need to know that there's a major possibility
Speaker:[Justin]: that at random intervals, whoever's holding the baby will have to tap out of the
Speaker:[Justin]: game for a moment to take care of the baby, feed the baby, you know. Also, there's
Speaker:[Justin]: a possibility of the baby crying in the middle of the game, which could ruin moments,
Speaker:[Justin]: right? But that said, if your baby's young enough, then having them sit in your
Speaker:[Justin]: arms or something like that can be a great thing. For example, even as I wrote
Speaker:[Justin]: this episode, you know, preparing it and preparing to record it, I had my son
Speaker:[Justin]: in a baby carrier strapped to my chest, kind of swaying back and forth. I sat at my
Speaker:[Justin]: kitchen table, writing, while trying to keep him pretty calm. And it worked, right?
Speaker:[Justin]: So whatever you have to do works. But when pursuing this method, it definitely
Speaker:[Justin]: helps to have certain tools at your disposal. For example, the baby carrier that
Speaker:[Justin]: I already mentioned, or some swaddles to keep the baby wrapped up nice and swag and
Speaker:[Justin]: nice and snug. You know having some clean binkies or toys might be great and if
Speaker:[Justin]: you're breastfeeding your baby Having one of those breastfeeding shawls or covers
Speaker:[Justin]: so that way you can feed the baby Well at the table that would be also very helpful
Speaker:[Justin]: as well Just to keep your privacy and things like that in this case though I
Speaker:[Justin]: would say having your character sheet on some sort of computer or iPad would actually
Speaker:[Justin]: be preferable to having it on paper because an Electronic device is a lot harder
Speaker:[Justin]: to kind of get mixed up a little bit when you have a squirming baby in your arms
Speaker:[Justin]: Papers can get pushed all around and things like that. So I would definitely recommend
Speaker:[Justin]: that. But at the end of the day, whatever works for you is what works. Okay, now let's
Speaker:[Justin]: talk about getting a babysitter. And I've already said a little bit more than...
Speaker:[Justin]: I've already talked about getting a babysitter. So what else can I say more?
Speaker:[Justin]: But I actually do have some more to say. So let's get into it. When you look for
Speaker:[Justin]: a local babysitter, there are a few things you can try. I would actually... Start
Speaker:[Justin]: by asking family and friends to be babysitters in that order. Family is usually
Speaker:[Justin]: more willing to help than friends, but friends can be just as awesome as well.
Speaker:[Justin]: Whoever it is, make sure absolutely you trust them completely and that you leave
Speaker:[Justin]: crystal clear instructions on how to care for your child and what to do in emergency,
Speaker:[Justin]: right? Again, the last thing you want is while you're playing D&D, having fun, something
Speaker:[Justin]: bad happens to your child and ruins D&D for you forever. Right, we want child to
Speaker:[Justin]: be happy and healthy. We want you to enjoy playing D&D. After family and friends,
Speaker:[Justin]: you might try local neighborhood kids if they are in that kind of perfect babysitting
Speaker:[Justin]: age. 12 to 16 is kind of that good range. But personally, I would opt for a girl
Speaker:[Justin]: babysitter over a guy just because they're generally a little bit more patient,
Speaker:[Justin]: kind, and understanding of children's needs. And teenage boys just aren't quite there
Speaker:[Justin]: yet in most cases. But you do, you do you, right? If you still can't find a babysitter,
Speaker:[Justin]: you've asked your friends, family, all that, you can ask your local church if
Speaker:[Justin]: you attend one to see if there might be someone there that could help. But after
Speaker:[Justin]: that, you start asking people you know if they know someone, right? Chances are
Speaker:[Justin]: someone you know with a small child will know someone who babysits for them and
Speaker:[Justin]: things like that. Always vet those people, even if they're referrals from people
Speaker:[Justin]: you trust. Always vet them to your heart's content. Because sometimes things aren't
Speaker:[Justin]: exactly... as they appear. Lastly, you can hire a professional babysitter from
Speaker:[Justin]: a professional service, but again, that's going to cost you much more. Next tip
Speaker:[Justin]: is to involve your child. This is obviously for children who are not in the infant
Speaker:[Justin]: stage, so this doesn't include myself. Your kids, assuming they're old enough to start
Speaker:[Justin]: to understand some of the game, you might consider actually bringing them in and
Speaker:[Justin]: kind of helping you if you're the DM. It doesn't need to be said though, I'll
Speaker:[Justin]: mention it again, you can only do this if your group is okay with it, right?
Speaker:[Justin]: If your group is like, I'd prefer not, then you might need to think of something
Speaker:[Justin]: else. And you also need to realize that your other players in the groups have,
Speaker:[Justin]: it's possible they'll have kids too that they might want to involve, and if you
Speaker:[Justin]: do that, the whole thing can really spiral out of control real fast. So just make
Speaker:[Justin]: sure you're doing it in a really wise way. If your kid is... in the range of five
Speaker:[Justin]: to 10 years old, you might have them actually sit at the table and start to play
Speaker:[Justin]: the game with you. If you are okay with it, or if your DM is okay with it, the
Speaker:[Justin]: child could sort of become like an NPC. There's that NPC that the group always
Speaker:[Justin]: adopts. You could have the child play that NPC, or actually some sort of familiar,
Speaker:[Justin]: like an actual animal or something like that. You can ask them what they would
Speaker:[Justin]: do and how they would act in certain situations. Obviously you don't want them to
Speaker:[Justin]: take the show away, you know, steal the spotlight, but if you play a paladin, cleric,
Speaker:[Justin]: or warlock, or have a character who does, you might have your child play the part
Speaker:[Justin]: of their deity or patron respectively, sort of giving the character guidance in moments
Speaker:[Justin]: of need. Oh great God, please tell me what to do. And then you ask the child and
Speaker:[Justin]: say, what would you explain them? What would you tell them to do? In most cases,
Speaker:[Justin]: this will likely lead to some fun laughs along the way. But you and your kid
Speaker:[Justin]: will hopefully bond over this fun hobby, Dungeons and Dragons. If your child
Speaker:[Justin]: is younger, you might have them, and younger meaning two years old to five years,
Speaker:[Justin]: right? You might actually have them sit on your lap and roll the D20 anytime you
Speaker:[Justin]: need one rolled. They can be around you and the game and to start to enjoy the
Speaker:[Justin]: dice rolling and sort of seeing the outcome, hearing the triumph of everyone as
Speaker:[Justin]: they cry, yes, natural 20 or dismay for natural ones. I would say if they're young
Speaker:[Justin]: childs, they'll make sure don't leave them alone with the smell dice or buy really
Speaker:[Justin]: big dice that they can't fit in their mouth, right? I was actually looking online,
Speaker:[Justin]: there are some sort of kind of foam dice that are about the size of your fist that
Speaker:[Justin]: you can squish and they're safe, but you can still roll them, so that might be a
Speaker:[Justin]: great option.
Speaker:[Justin]: Obviously this only works though if your child cooperates, so if they aren't sitting
Speaker:[Justin]: still or whatever, or if they're just not impressed with the game, don't press the
Speaker:[Justin]: point, let kiddo run away and go play games, right? One of the simpler tips is just
Speaker:[Justin]: to simply play shorter sessions, right? If you have to balance being a parent and a
Speaker:[Justin]: dungeon master, just play shorter sessions. And I know that we're all thinking
Speaker:[Justin]: that this is probably the least desirable method. But you have to admit that it is effective.
Speaker:[Justin]: Ask your players if they're willing to play shorter sessions, and most will probably
Speaker:[Justin]: agree, but in my opinion, it's worth it to keep the game going week to week rather
Speaker:[Justin]: than doing a four hour session and then never playing again, in my opinion. Doing
Speaker:[Justin]: shorter sessions is a good method to try for a couple reasons actually. For one,
Speaker:[Justin]: you don't always have to play shorter sessions. Sometimes you'll get a good four
Speaker:[Justin]: hour game in and other times you'll have to cap it at one hour, right? It'll change
Speaker:[Justin]: based on the day. Secondly, having shorter sessions means that you actually have
Speaker:[Justin]: to prepare less as a dungeon master. You don't have to come to the table with four
Speaker:[Justin]: hours prepared if you're only planning on playing for two hours, right? It's a much
Speaker:[Justin]: easier process. So even though it might be a really great idea to do shorter
Speaker:[Justin]: sessions, you'll still need to remember some things, right? You'll have to keep these
Speaker:[Justin]: in mind. With shorter sessions. Your table will need to understand that they really
Speaker:[Justin]: need to pay attention and be courteous when the spotlight is on someone else. You
Speaker:[Justin]: can't have people at the back of the table sharing videos or things like that if
Speaker:[Justin]: you have only two hours and every distraction takes time away. In those moments,
Speaker:[Justin]: everyone needs to be adults and wait patiently for their turn. Doing so will allow
Speaker:[Justin]: a reciprocal exchange of respect for everyone at the table. and it'll make it so
Speaker:[Justin]: each person can do their own thing interrupted and actually therefore do it faster,
Speaker:[Justin]: making it easier to get to everyone and making sure everyone has fun. I find this
Speaker:[Justin]: consideration to be one that people seem to miss a little bit. Even though we're
Speaker:[Justin]: playing a make-believe game, we can actually still all act like adults, right?
Speaker:[Justin]: We don't have to act like kids who get distracted while waiting for someone else
Speaker:[Justin]: to finish talking. So tell your players that. And this next tip is Also a little bit
Speaker:[Justin]: obvious, but we can just play online. If you can't find a babysitter, then consider
Speaker:[Justin]: playing online. I know for some people it's a big leap, but drastic circumstances
Speaker:[Justin]: call for drastic measures. Being able to play online can allow you to take breaks
Speaker:[Justin]: every so often to do those necessary things with your kid, change their diaper,
Speaker:[Justin]: or play a little bit with them. You know, be somewhat present, make sure they're
Speaker:[Justin]: not dead. And if you actually have a wireless headset and are a master at multitasking,
Speaker:[Justin]: then maybe you would consider doing both at the same time, right, being with your
Speaker:[Justin]: kid and playing D&D. But I don't recommend that personally. I'm not very good at multitasking,
Speaker:[Justin]: and personally I believe that dividing yourself between two things means that two
Speaker:[Justin]: things only get fractions of your whole self. So, you know, in my opinion, you
Speaker:[Justin]: don't really wanna do that to your kid and your D&D group, but playing online
Speaker:[Justin]: does allow you to shift a little bit more easily from one to the other. And it's,
Speaker:[Justin]: you know, it's a whole lot easier to keep an eye on your kid. as they're playing
Speaker:[Justin]: with toys in the same room that you are in while you're playing D&D in a way that
Speaker:[Justin]: they're not distracting your other players. You'll probably need to ask for some
Speaker:[Justin]: patience with this from your group because you'll likely need to give some direction
Speaker:[Justin]: or attention to your kid every once in a while, but this might just be the fit
Speaker:[Justin]: that you need to make sure you keep playing. Next, become a scheduling wizard.
Speaker:[Justin]: This last tip is one I would suggest to make sure you just become really good at
Speaker:[Justin]: maintaining your schedule. And this is actually for a few reasons. You know, as
Speaker:[Justin]: a parent, anytime you get to yourself is precious, right? Just as anytime you have
Speaker:[Justin]: with your little one is precious. And you want to make the most of both, right?
Speaker:[Justin]: So being able to allot the right amount of time for the things that are important to
Speaker:[Justin]: you will make sure that they don't fall by the wayside. And that includes Dungeons
Speaker:[Justin]: and Dragons. And in fact, you'll actually also be able to fulfill any promises you made
Speaker:[Justin]: to that significant other about watching the kids so they can go do something fun too.
Speaker:[Justin]: So when it comes time for you to go play D&D and they have to watch the kid, they
Speaker:[Justin]: don't resent you. Time is our most precious resource because when you think about
Speaker:[Justin]: it, it's really the only thing we have. Being able to spend the right amount
Speaker:[Justin]: of time doing the things that matter makes all the difference. Now, there's a big
Speaker:[Justin]: chance that a lot of you don't have kids and that's okay. You'll likely play with
Speaker:[Justin]: someone who does and these tips will allow you to help them and be in their corner.
Speaker:[Justin]: It should... It should also give you a little bit more sympathy for parents trying
Speaker:[Justin]: to play D&D and parent at the same time. At the end of the day, I hope these tips
Speaker:[Justin]: have given you some really good ideas. Hopefully sparked some ideas that are better
Speaker:[Justin]: than what I've told you, and hopefully some more creative ideas. Ones that I didn't
Speaker:[Justin]: even think about. D&D is fun and so is being a parent, and honestly, I believe
Speaker:[Justin]: that we can truly do both. I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's episode, so
Speaker:[Justin]: reach out to me on Instagram or Just join our community, the guild, go to monsters.rent
Speaker:[Justin]: slash get started and you'll see what I mean. But thank you for joining me on today's
Speaker:[Justin]: episode. We'll be back next week with another awesome episode, but until then, let's
Speaker:[Justin]: go ahead and roll initiative.
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